21 Dec 2004

Christmas Puppies

It was the team Christmas do on Friday. I never enjoy it. Somebody always corners me for a ‘career chat’ and ends up crying in my stella. It was quite good this year as everyone got leathered early doors, during the meal, and cut out the banter.

I love Barney (The Big Gay Bear) when he’s had a drink. He cranks up the campness to such a degree that he can wave his left hand, waft a fag in his right, while wobbling his head and bobbing excitedly in his chair - all at the same time! “I need to unfasten my pants, I’m bustin’ out. I’ve been gobblin’ nuts all day.”

Tizzy was almost wearing an 'Obi Wan Dress' - ("Feel the force - LOOK). Every muscle around my eyeballs was straining to maintain a ‘horizontal hold’ to save embarrassment.

“Look at those love. You could feed a crèche,” Barney said. “You could cure me with those!”

Someone got me a ‘Best Boss In The World’ mug in the secret Santa.

Someone was taking the piss.