23 May 2004

Brought to Book

Joan had a panic attack in the middle of the office. It is not right for me to make light of such a traumatic event, so I’ll ask you to picture a middle-aged woman blowing into a grease-stained, paper bag from a pie shop and make up your own jokes.

I acted like a responsible adult and did the full Florence Nightingale role, and sat by her side as she lay in the medical room. While I was waiting I decided to have a browse through the Accident Book.

These are my favourites:

“Bill sneezed, something popped and he fainted.”

“During a focus session, Katherine was in the lead in a game of ‘Swivel Chair Races’ when the winning flag poked her in the eye.”

“When messing with a super-clip, Colin trapped the end of his tongue.”

One from Bernard: “While on company business, I ordered a flaming Zambuka and scolded my lips and upper palate.”

Move over Joan. I need a lie down.