30 May 2004

Every home should have some …

Moss Remover

The Door To Door Catalogue That Cannot Be Named is crammed full of helpful potions and lotions, such as, ‘Moss Remover’, ‘Tea Stain Cleanser’, ‘Plug Hole Shine’ ‘Rim Rub’ (bumping up hits from Google as you read) and ‘Skirting Board Scrub’. For goodness sake, relax, watch a bit of telly; who cared about what might be lurking in the toilet until the ad-men made us worry. There are enough things to stress out the human race without worrying about moss on your patio.

On the face of it, this collection seems to be an Al-Quida chemistry set, but on closer inspection, you realise most of them are just bicarbonate of soda in water.

Miracle ™ Carpet Cleaner Kit

There’s a ‘Before’ and ‘After’ photograph to prove the results. As far as miracles go it isn’t that impressive, it doesn’t rate with feeding the 5000 for example, because the stuff is made from the same kind of acid that courses through the veins of the Alien.

Sure, it will clean your carpets, but after three wipes you’ll be varnishing your floorboards.

Shoe Tree

“Finally, there is a solution to keeping your footwear in order.” Thank goodness someone is thinking about these things on our behalf. Instead of tripping over your discarded shoes you can trip over this instead for the princely sum of 19.99.