6 May 2004

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The Assessment Centre is starting to come to an end. It has been a good junket while it's lasted because I have been out of the office, provided with a free lunch and seen people so bad that it makes me feel better. There’s only so many stringy spring rolls you can eat and I am dying to know what has been going on in the office while I have been away (have the cleaners found the sweet wrapper and picked it up? As anyone noticed that I still haven’t dealt with that important document that I have been keeping in my drawer? Has Thrush resigned yet? Well, I can hope.)

Some candidates have been recalled for interviews and I acted as ‘a scribe’ for Brenda today. The term ‘scribe’ makes the role sound important, but it is just ‘taking notes’ while avoiding dribbling as you fall asleep while some bloke in an Asda suit tells you about his career history in local government, trying desperately to make it sound interesting and dynamic.

Brenda worked hard to break the ice, “So, lets start with something a bit informal: what’s you favourite flavour of crisp?”

The candidate smiled, “I don’t eat crisps.” He patted his belly, “I’m trying to stay fit.”

“Don’t worry it isn’t a deal breaker.” Brenda laughed HONK HONK Honk

He started to tell us about how he once visited a call centre and it looked exciting, challenging and target driven, and he likes the idea of having a team and working in a dynamic environment (of course he does). Brenda looked across at me and indicated that I should be writing some of his answers down. Looking at my notes, they said “Doesn’t like crisps.”

I desperately tried to catch up, making up bits here and there to compensate.

A consumptive janitor walked into the room. He coughed, scratched his head furiously, and coughs again, before walking past us – as if we weren’t there – to put a sign on the glass door at the opposite side.

It said, “Interview In Progress. Do Not Disturb.”