22 Nov 2003

The Billie Piper Assignation Squad Vol 2

The secret rulers of the Call Centre continued.

Nigel (Sooty) Thrown into a ‘project limbo’ when Bernard, the head of the Call Centre Operations, realised he had been sold a pup. Originally he was an office manager but didn’t last six months, we had a field day, it was like having a supply teacher in charge, we tested the limits every day. Apparently, Bernard only took him on because his CV said he was an “Area Manager’ for McDonalds. It turned out that he was a manager of an area within McDonalds, the fat fryer I think. Now he turns up to meetings and talks bollocks about statistics that no one understands.

Wendy (Chicken Bum) The Human Resources Consultant. More PC than Juliet Bravo. Spends most of the meeting tutting though her tight lips; she’s got a mouth like a chicken’s arse.

Ron (The Tikki Man) The Ecology Adviser. He can tell camomile from Darjeeling but not nonsense from common-sense. Spends most of the meeting exchanging ethnic shopping tips with Wendy.

Wrapstar (For it is I) I have been co-opted into the Sales Stream for my ‘Development’ (aka Re-Programming). My stomach churns every night prior to the meeting because I know I’ll be put on the spot and will have forgotton something.
Battered and bruised and left for dead whenever a question about Communication Strategies emerge – I will have my revenge…