3 Nov 2003

Taz Time

Every fortnight there is a meeting of the secret rulers of The Call Centre - The Sales Stream – it is a self appointed elite group of managers who plot the future strategies of the office, maintain the infrastructure and ensure that there are enough toilet rolls on order.

The present leader is Ian, who leaves a trail wherever he slides because he is so slimy. The ladies love him and his collection of ‘novelty ties’. I have been co-opted on to the group for my ‘development’ so I too can learn how to introduce draconian measures that strip staff of their free-will while at the same time rewarding them with a bottle of Concorde whenever they make a ‘sale’.

The subject matter under discussion today was ‘Call volumes’. The Catalogue (which cannot be named for ‘keeping my job’ reasons) Campaign has been a great success, which is bad news for the Call Centre because it means that we have to do some work and speak to customers. “I think we need to introduce IVR” Ian said in his most earnest voice.

He was wearing a Tasmanian devil tie; Taz was wearing a dinner suit and clutching a bunch of flowers in an attempt to woo another ‘Devil’ with big lips.

“IVR?” Tony whispered to me, “why does he want to get pregnant?”