The Deadly Viper Assassination Squad Vol. 1

The Sales Stream is a self-appointed elite of Team Managers who secretly run the Call Centre. David Icke says they are lizards – I’m not sure.

The members are listed here so you may continue to develop your Wankerdaq portfolio – start selling stock now – Christmas is coming, "season of good-will" and all that, you will put up with anything as long as there is a mince pie and a couple of cheesey balls at the end of it …

Ian (Mutley) The leader of the group; he’s like a badly drawn Robbie Coltrane. He quickly agrees with everything that everyone says, “Yep. Yep. Yep.” but changes the minutes to reflect his opinion.

Mary (Cotton Mouth) The compliance officer. She writes scripts for the Call Centre frontline but takes her inspiration from a rail timetable rather than Harold Pinter. Last week, she was boasting that she once proofread the Magna Carter for a school project. She had sex in a lift with Ian at the 2002 managers’ conference. ** See 27th August **

Brenda (Call Centre Yoda) She still sits too close. She’s still earnest in her desire to ‘improve me’ and she was once the top of my ‘Wankerdaq’ list ** see 28th June **, however the Curryoke Night revealed her to be earnest but harmless. If only she’d stop laughing like Slippy the Sealion. Ian once told Call Centre Tony that he was “up to his nuts in guts” with Brenda at the 2000 conference.

Pheobe (Kermit) The training officer. Dippy but has a way with words. Always on a diet and eats lettuce in an odd way – David Icke might have a point. Was once seen with Ian buying a ‘toad in a hole’ from Ann Summers.

More follows …