Barstool

Bernard took us for lunch, on expenses, to mark Martin’s arrival. We went to one of those imitation pubs, filled with imitation ornaments, and imitation staff selling imitation beer.

There’s a tacit understanding at these lunchtime events that we will not order anything too lavish and certainly no alcoholic drinks. I’d like nothing better than a pint of Speckled Hen to set me up for the afternoon and despite Bernard’s mock insistence “to have something a bit stronger’ we all know better.

‘I’ll have a diet coke, “ said Janice.

“So will I,” added Nigel.

“Make that three,” Ian said.

“I’ll have a fat one,” I joked. Bernard looked puzzled. “A normal coke. I’ll have a normal one,” I thought of explaining the joke but realised it wasn’t worth it.

“I’ll have a pint of John Smiths with a whisky chaser please,” Martin said.

We all laughed. Bernard realised that he was being serious and placed an order.

Mmmmmm Martin’s Wankerdaq price is about to crash, he’s a man after my own heart.