Gentle reader, I can hardly bring myself to write my diary for the love of my life has gone away. Belle, the keyboard cleaner, nymph of my orisons (whatever an orison is), has left the cleaning company.
Two young boys who have one eyebrow between them have replaced her. They whiz round the place like Thing One and Thing Two. They do not give my fluff the attention it deserves.
Come and wipe away the tears from my keys.