A Hell-Shaped Room

Thanks to all those potential stalkers who have been concerned about my disappearance over the past 4 days. Your concern is touching, but you really should get out more.

I have not been away. Bernard has locked me in a bed-sit where I’ve been watching the Call Centre on a plasma screen for 24 hours a day. I’ve been able to watch my colleagues and listen to what they say about me behind my back. Much to my annoyance, they have not noticed my absence. Bastards.

Seriously, the Call Centre over the past couple of days has been locked into two camps: fanatical Euro 2004 supporters on the one hand, and Big Brother obsessives on the other.

The feeling from both camps has been unanimous: “what did they expect, putting hyped up drunken people together – a tea party?”