30 Jul 2003

Betty Ford, here I come …

I don’t know whether I can survive many more of the appraisals. I have developed an addiction to the fizzy dummys.

The problem with fizzy dummys, is that they are like heroin. The first hit is great – the sourness tingles your saliva glands so that they pore with excitement – then you feel compelled to try and reach that state of euphoria with each subsequent dummy, knowing that it is impossible. I have nearly finished off the box I’ve bought, and I have the rest of the team to go.

Today I have chalked up two of the Johns on the team.

Moomin Papa insisted on taping the conversation as he said that he might need to refer to the content of the discussion later.

John Doe’s, on the other hand was much easier, as he is fascinated with the mechanics of the Wheel, the paper contraption we use to make the assessment.

“Well John. The Sales Focus is in conjunction with your Team Contribution. Another couple of notches on the Customer Rapport and I may be able to consider you for a pay increase next time you have the appraisal in another six months. In the meantime, help yourself to a dummy.”

He took a handful.

I could feel my eyes popping from my head.

I think I need to arrange some methadone.