2 Jul 2003

Vision On

“… in short; the reason why your performance is so poor, compared with Glasgow, is that you have not had the benefit of first class leadership from first class Team Managers. You will notice a difference. I promise that you will see improvements. I believe in working hard and playing hard: I maybe a ball-breaker in the office but as soon as I am out of here, I’m at home with a needlework kit and a good class of chardonnay.

I know your team can do better. I ask you to knuckle down, get on board, or you will be left behind. Don’t worry – I know that you are good people – I won’t let you be patronised by your Team Managers …” Brenda paused. I think she was expecting applause or something from the team, as they looked on, slightly nonplussed. I don’t think they knew how to respond to her fervent enthusiasm.

How was I supposed to follow that?

I passed round the Tesco jam donuts (they had gone slightly hard) and put my hands together: “RIGHT!”

“A bit of fun, in preparation for the forthcoming Dartanian campaign, Barney has prepared a quiz on celebrity gardeners.”