28 Feb 2005

Menthol Health Act

I’ve been writing this for two years today so, in the words of Bill Hicks, forgive me while I slap on a fake smile and wade through this shit one more time.

Simon, the Craig David looky-likey, has been leaking profusely today. Every hole in his head seems to be dripping as a result of his vicks sinex addiction. He asked for time off the phones so he could nip to Boots for his latest fix.

“Have you tried steaming with menthol?” Tizzy asked him.

“No miss, coz it brings on my face-ache,” he said.

If I shot him, I’d technically be doing him a favour.