29 Mar 2003

Call yourself a salesman you sonofabitch!

My boss, Bernard, is boarder-line psychotic. Seriously. He is insane. His enthusiasm and passion and drive and belief in the company have driven him to the edge and he is about to go over.

If anyone has an idea, no matter how stupid, he goes for it: “I love it! Do it!”

Our area needs to increase sales so The Company has come up with a new “Opening Doors” initiative for new customers. Right away Bernard has a flurry of ideas: “I want forty doors from B&Q – let’s bring this alive – we’ll have a knock-knock competition for advisors; we’ll need a door-bell for every team, when there is a sale we’ll ring them in harmony; we need THE GREEN DOOR piped through the office and on the hold message …”

All of his efforts go over everyone’s head and never increase sales.

Nevertheless, we got some great new Knock Knock jokes. (Knock Knock. Who’s there? Biggish. Bigish who. No thanks mate. – Big Issue – geddit?)

The B&Q doors have been impounded by the health and safety officer.