31 Aug 2003

Hay Lads Hay!

“But Sir!” Simon, the Craig David looky-likey, has been protesting at the new scripts we have been using, “they don’t make any sense.”

“Well we have to follow them I’m afraid.” I said forlornly, I could understand the team’s complaints. Can you imagine, sitting at home, the phone rings, and you are exposed to this rubbish? For example:

“In accordance with regulatory requirements, pertaining to the sale of goods via telephony, I am obliged to advise you that the £10 complimentary voucher is subject to written terms and conditions that are available on request. There is no obligation to purchase. I will be retaining your address details, but no further information, a copy of the files held relating to this call are available if you submit a stamped self addressed envelope. This call may be recorded for training and monitoring requirements.”

I got on the phone to Mary and let her know that the scripts were hard to work with. “Well, you need to stick to them or we’ll face fines and possible closure. When it comes to hay lads hay we need to be water-tight.” She said.

“But, since we have started saying this stuff we haven’t sold anything.” I said.

“Tough. I have consumer law to worry about.”

That was it.

John Doe, the anal retentive on my team, was also struggling with the new convoluted script. Out of the whole team I thought that he would be the one who could deal with it. “In the words of Harrison Ford to George Lucas “You can type this shit, but you can’t say it!””

I’ll try that line on Mary when I next call.