17 Oct 2003

What a dilemma

(The Call Centre Smoke Club - by Fag Ash Lil aka Low Tar Tara)

Kathy and I are usually the first of our group to reach the Smoke Room, mainly because we both work in the Sales department but also because we like to eat our lunch in there, after having a fag first of course. We both eagerly await Marlon’s arrival, another of our group who usually starts us on our daily topic of conversation.

"I’ve got a dilemma" gushes Marlon on his arrival before he even sits down. "Should I go out with my best mate tonight or my best mate’s ex?"

"You’ve got food on your tie again" Kathy says pointing at Marlon’s crumpled tie, "Why are men such pigs?" She looks at me with a knowing grin; he hates it when we’re not impressed by his sexual deviancy.

"Sod the tie, what do I do tonight. I’ve got half an hour to decide", he spits on his tie and starts scratching at the remnants of the canteen curry. He looks such a pathetic sight, if you didn’t know him better you would swear he was starved and homeless. A typical 19 year old lad, eats like a horse but looks like he has to run around in the shower to get wet and if mummy hasn’t ironed his shirt - well that’s not his fault. His long term girlfriend recently dumped him and he now sees his role in life is to sleep with as many women as possible, whether they are conscious or not.

"I’m surprised you’ve got any friends if you have to ask that, of course you should go out with your best mate", why do I even bother?

"What’s he doing now?" Sharon and Beverly join us.

"Oh just Marlon showing us again he has no morals, should he go out with his best mate or his best mate’s ex?"

"Marlon you’re a pig" shouts Bev, our little naive 17 year old.

"Why? I’ve snogged her before and told my mate, he said he didn’t mind, plus she’s got huge tits"

There’s a loud tut from the Sewing Circle and Sceptic Sue stares at us through her 3 inch specs. A retired Police Woman who just can’t shake the fact that she no longer has any authority.

"Oh Marlon" he really does send me back to work with a smile on my face.