Green Fingers

I was off-site today. I am the GREEN GOBLIN representative for our office and every month I make a long drive to our site in Birmingham. I had to sit in the traffic for hours and did not get chance to press the pedal to the metal in the big throbbing car I had hired for the journey.

The GREEN GOBLIN meetings are hosted by The Ron Tiki Man – a full time ‘recycling consultant’ employed by The Call Centre to advise us on how to reduce our waste – he is a lovable eccentric with a Lenny the Lion beard and an embroidered ‘ethnic’ hat.

When I entered the room, a cd was playing. Pan Pipe versions of Andrew Lloyd Webber classics. The usual suspects were there: Brenda, Glasgow office, honks like a sea lion when she laughs; Wendy from HR ruthlessly efficient and insists on everything being ‘documented’; and Terry from Belfast who talks about football as if it matters: “Your lot did us a favour this weekend.”

Ron Tiki man mumbled through his set piece about emissions and his missions. I sat back and admired the great air-conditioning they had in Birmingham. It was so cool in the room, that I got joggers’ nipple walking across to the buffet table after the presentation.

The buffet was vegan. Sun Dried tomatoes. SUN Dried tomatoes. They were ok for tomatoes that had been deliberately dried … in the sun.

When I got back:

I photocopied and laminated 150 signs saying “THINK BEFORE YOU PRINT” for the office.

Ron Tiki Man’s 350 pages, “Call Centre Ecology” report was sent for recycling (unread).

I adapted a plastic cup into a penholder by using coloured felt tips.

Being a GREEN GOBLIN is great. I feel like I am doing my bit for the next generation.