18 May 2003

Stand and Deliver

Tantazia have got a celebrity event scheduled for the grand launch of their new ‘Stand and Tan’ unit, (It is some kind of capsule that you stand in naked, while it blows hot air over your body. It sounds horrible.)

It is to take place next Saturday evening and there is free wine and twiglets for invited guests. Due to the poor sales we have experienced so far, Steve, the owner manager of Tantazia, has said we can give out invitations to customers who are willing to sign up for a month’s worth of appointments.

I didn’t want to argue with Steve. He is a big bloke with eyes that look like they are jealous of each other. He mixes his metaphors too: “Well you haven’t done well yet, but we can draw a line under the carpet, and hope that this week you can get something.”
“Who is the celebrity?” I asked.

“A local person who has made it big.”

“Really!” My mind ran through the local celebrities: Peter Kay, Sara Cox, Vernon Kay, Badly Drawn Boy, at worse, Fred Dibnah, TV Steeplejack.

“Its Stu Francis – he is a mate of my brother.” He said proudly.

Stu ‘I could crush a grape’ Francis has not been a celebrity since 1981 when he was the host of kid’s TV favourite Crackerjack, and even then he wouldn’t have made it to the bush tucker trial.

“But, nothing is confirmed yet, so keep it under your belt eh?”

Oh! I could wrestle an Action Man!