If you are there, pick up …

We have a book in which we capture some of the best answermachines we contact when we are doing telesales. Here is a selection of some of my favourites:

1) “This is Davina, you are live on my answer machine – do not swear – the people nominated to be out of the house are: us two – so leave a message.

2) (Glum tone – on the verge of manic depressive) … You know what to do …

3) (Little Girl’s Voice) Knock Knock
(Mum) Who’s there?
(Little Girl) Lever
(Proud Mum) Lever who?
(Little annoying brat) Lever a message after the tone

4) (‘Message in a bottle’ played by blowing across the top of milk bottles) Leave an sos for the world … after the tone….

5) There is 15 ‘Mission Impossible’ messages registered every single day – sorry of you have one – but it is true.

6) (In a dirty old man’s voice.) You’re through to ‘Sniff My Sausage’. If you enjoy the odour of pig based products then please leave a message after the tone …

Get a life.