Seconds Out

Sun Tzu says that you need to fight. Competition is inevitable so you need to take on your enemies and destroy them in an emotionally detached manner.

Brenda has been drumming up interest in a manager’s night out. She has sprung back to life following a period of calm. “At Glasgow we used have great nights out. They were famous. We’d start the evening with a curry. Follow it up with a few drinks. Then finish the night off with a karaoke. Curryoke. Get it. CURRY oke. Honk. Honk. Honk!”

“Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.” Ian gave a breathy agreement. “A great night out.” He calmly stroked his Simpsons tie (Homer, sprawled on a settee in his y-fronts, dribbling). “I’ll order transport from my mate Jack. He has an executive coach.”

A date has been set for the night out. I’ll probably get completely leathered, say things I’ll regret, fall asleep in the coach on the way back and dribble.

I need to come up with an excuse so I can stay at home and watch Fame Academy.

On the other hand, it could be my opportunity to strike Sun Tzu style, slice their throats in an emotionally detached manner as they sleep.

“Just wait until I get the mike,” Brenda started to sing, “I will survive!”

Sun Tzu never worked in a Call Centre.