8 Sep 2003

Tony Talk

I have regretted telling Call Centre Tony about the blog from the moment that it left my lips. He has predicted that my openness is tantamount to whistle blowing. If Cathy Gilroy (the Call Centre’s Big Cheese) found out she would arrange a mafia type hit involving horse heads and a tollbooth massacre. At best, the powers that be would make a ‘Dr David Kelly’ like example of me and hound me into submission.

I remind him that I am exercising a fundamental human right.

He just smiles and does a “sleeps with the fishes” routine.

Nevertheless, he has been cock-a-hoop at the response to the recent request for questions for a Tony interview.

DrD: What does Call Centre Tony look like? I have a beautiful female friend who wants to know.

Tony: (snatches the paper out of my hand) Bollocks! (Reads) You see. The only reason people read your shite is because of the kid here. (Grins) Some have said that there is a bit of the oriental in me, so if your mate fancies a Chinese take-away, let me know. I have a look of Brad Pitt.

((Brad Pitt after a car accident where they undertake major reconstructive surgery and base their work on a picture of a fat Harry Potter – I should add.))

Birdman: What gives you the most job satisfaction?

Tony: The people. This is a people business. The people make it an experience. The people and darts. I have convinced Bernard to get a ‘motivational’ dartboard so we can create more of a sales spirit in The Call Centre. Also, I need to improve my game for a tournament in the club. So, Darts and people give me satisfaction. At the moment it is probably more darts than people.

Birdman: Do you believe in the existence of objective reality or parallel universes equal to the number of possible states in which that object can exist, with each universe containing a unique single possible state of that object?

Tony: I work in a call centre. The question has never come up. Do you wear glasses?
Birdman: Have you a favourite sandwich?

Tony: I’m on a Brixton at the moment to lose a bit of Terry before Christmas. When I have a sandwich it is usually a ham and tomato baguette, dry. I have gone off the sandwiches in the canteen since I noticed that the guy who makes them has a thick rim of soil under his nails. I have had pie and chips since then. He can’t get his fingers in those.

((Brixton Riot – Diet. Terry – Weight (as in Terry Waite)))

More will be coming soon …