Eye for an Eye

Visitors from The Catalogue That Cannot Be Named (for keeping my job reasons) are coming to the call centre to see the front-line. Bernard has sent a memo insisting that the ‘House-Keeping Policy’ is enforced and that there is a big clear up.

The gnome was damaged by the fall. Its eyes are designed to scare cats off your lawn (don’t worry, I won’t reprise the “it will put the willies up any pussy” line … whoops). One of the eyes has fallen out.

“I wonder if it’s only half as scary to cats now that it has lost some of its magic powers.” John Doe considered.

We fashioned an eye patch out of an old head-set muff and a length of string.

Brenda was conducting the cleaners as they swept through the office. “Why does that hoover smell of sick?” She complained. “And, where the hell has that sausage come from?”

I kept my head down.