8 Jan 2004

That's the wonder of Woolworths

I’m thinking of taking up smoking for the New Year. It bucks the trend for New Year’s resolutions but the advantages seem to out-weigh the ‘potential threats’.

I promised myself that I could have one indulgence this year to compensate for the lack of lager and kebabs in my diet. I’d initially considered buying one of those penis enlargement patches I keep being offered by XXXYJaa63, just to see what happens, but the method of payment seems really complicated and I think that sticking a plaster on the end of your willy doesn’t really count as an extension.

Smoking seems to be the healthy option, and it will get me out of the office for a while, when I join The Smoke Club.

Fag Ash Lil, one of the few of my colleagues who know of this blog, seems to invest smoking with such passion and energy that it’s hard not to admire the activity and her dedication to the cause. She has written about The Smoke Club for Call Centre Confidential so she was interested to hear that the daily readership has increased by 500% in the last month. “I worry that someone who works with us – someone high up – will read the blog. One guy has suggested that I am ‘savage’ and should review my archives with a lawyer.” I confided.

Lil took a long puff on her ‘bennie’, sucking her face in so hard that it nearly collapsed, before exhaling calmly. “Listen cock, if you asked everyone from here to Penrith, and you found someone who knew what a bleedin’ blog was, never mind yours, I’ll show my arse in Woolies window.”

You see, they don’t put that on the packets: “Warning. Smoking gives you a sense of perspective.”