14 Jan 2004

How green is my valley

The next round of pay appraisals are due shortly, so I need to engage in some last minute ‘lip service’ to ensure that I have something to talk about in the meeting with my manager Bernard, the Head of Call Centre Operations. The last one was disastrous (it is covered in the archives in August I think if you can be arsed trawling through them.)

In my bid to become a ‘made’ Team Manager, I have been taking advice from my consiglieri Brenda on how to get my button. “You have come a long way. You do the work, but you need to ‘play the game’ more, and increase your profile. Pop your head round Bernard’s door now and again. You do things with your team – document it – you’ll have something to present during your appraisal.”

You see. It isn’t enough that you do what you are supposed to do; you have to act like a tosser too.

I realise where I have been going wrong. I actually talk to people. I should do what everyone else does – sit at my PC, firing memos at people all day.

Ian will be my role model, as a ‘made’ manager, he manages to send out memos that appear to say something important but do not commit anybody to anything.

I sat at my PC, snapped my fingers, and produced the following:

“As this site’s Green Goblin, responsible for ecological sustainability, I have produced an analysis of the use of toner cartridges in the Call Centre in 2003. Copies are published on all staff notice boards and hard copies have been circulated separately (further copies are available on request.)

Let’s make sure that we put this important issue on the front-burner in 2004.”

Bingo. I think I’ll order that ivory* back-scratcher straight away.

* Ivory EFFECT.