6 Apr 2003

Bog Icon

I have been in the loo and it is still ankle-deep in water.

Everything is measured in The Call Centre. Everything. There are no exceptions.

All human behaviour is prescribed a unit of productivity on the call-monitoring software: the length of each call (indicated by a ‘phone icon’); the time it takes to wrap-up, or do work after the call (a notepad icon); the length of break time (a coffee cup icon) and ‘comfort breaks’ (a bog icon – complete with a smiling face).

It is therefore possible to construct a spreadsheet determining the bladder and bowel movements of an entire office.

That’s what I have been tasked to do: construct a high level analysis of toilet activity over the past four weeks. Bernard also wants a report by individual, with up dates in running, which can identify trends or patterns of behaviour/ visits over time. I also need to provide a commentary on where people where at the time that the incidents took place.

I wouldn’t say this was a witch-hunt, but Bernard has erected a ducking stool in the middle of the office.

I hope the culprit is not on my team.