12 Apr 2003

Camp David

“Clock the lallies on the chicken. I reckon he’s a chubby chaser.” Barney, the big gay bear, was eying up a new member of Janice’s team: a young, fresh-faced youth who apparently used to be a pro-footballer.

Thrush is uncomfortable and puzzled when Barney speaks in his gay-code. A heated discussion begins with Thrush insisting that a lad could not be gay AND play soccer.

I was between two stools: the lad had more mince than Dewhurst Butchers, but he did not look like he was gay.
“Nonsense.” Barney complained, “You know that my Gaydar is better than an Awax. He’s a twink and if he isn’t I’ll show my arse in Woollies window.”

We called him over and started to grill him with some questions. I asked him where he came from.

“I was born in London but reared in Manchester … several times!”

Barney winked at Thrush. Another direct hit.