5 Apr 2003

Independent Deterrent (Part Two)

Chided, and hurt during the ‘drains up’, Tony reached into his briefcase and revealed a shoebox.

He looked at us with great expectation.

We looked back at him like a pack of dogs that had just been shown a card trick.

“It’s a shoebox.” Bernard said.

“Yes it looks like a shoebox now, but with a bit of work, care and attention, it will become a CCTV camera: stick a washer on the front; a bracket on the side; and stencil “ACME Camera Inc.” on the side. Then, Robert is your auntie’s live-in lover, as they say.” Tony said proudly.

Looking to us, and ignoring Tony, Bernard calmly addressed the meeting: “Right. Well. If no one else can come up with anything better than John Noakes here, then I suggest we move to DefCom One.”

He used the phone to give a prearranged signal.

Within minutes, a man-mountain filled the room with muscle.

“Meet Brian. Brian is now on toilet duty.” Bernard was grinning widely. “Ladies and Gentlemen – it’s Hammer Time.”

You can’t touch this.