Can I have a rewind?

Simon, the Craig David looky-likey, has phoned in sick again. He is always frankly honest about is reasons for being off. This time he claims that he has sustained an abdominal injury following a bout of particularly energetic sex.

Brenda starts Monday – Opening Price on Wankedaq is £2.00 a share – buy them while they’re hot because they’re gonna be snapped up. She has sent a photo and a profile:

“I am married to Jeff with 2 kids, Sandra and Denise, who occupy most of my spare hours but I still have time for appliqué and salsa classes. I am looking forward to moving to Bolton as I believe that you need to deliver vision and ambition to your operation; I’ve also heard about your famous ‘pie-barms’ and I want to try one for myself!”

I bought a jobs paper tonight.

Can life get any worse? I have been passed over for promotion; my new boss is a needle working visionary; my team are sustaining injury via their sexual athletics.

What CAN he of been doing?