24 Jun 2003

Everyone was Kung Foo Fighting

Brenda has started. Her Wankerdaq price is £4.50. It’s risen sharply since she began emptying her stacker boxes and furnishing her desk with stuff: she has more laminated Mission Statements and Personal Visions than Bernard and Call Centre Tony put together; she spent an hour arranging her ‘desk novelties’ which ranged from a nodding Jack Osbourne to a Kung Fu fighting hamster (the batteries have gone), and an inflatable can of baked beans to a Fart Extinguisher.

She looks like she’s gonna be REAL fun.

In the places where the mission statements cannot reach she has pinned up pictures of her family who are depicted from the cradle to the present day. Not only does she laugh like a sealion but when she talks of her family she recounts really, really boring stories as if they are jokes without a punchline:

“Well I went to see Denise in a talent competition … honk … honk … it was run by the school and I turned up late … honk … honk … (quieter) luckily they were running late too … giggle … giggle (back up to full belt) I didn’t miss her getting a bag of smarties … honk … honk … they were yummy.”