22 Mar 2004

Gnome that Tune

A box full of the new ‘The Catalogue That Cannot Be Named’ arrived this morning. The company is feeling buoyant following the recent acquisition of a Door To Door Catalogue That Cannot Be Named (this is going to get confusing!). This confidence is evident in the summer catalogue and its supplements.

Page thirty:

“Go Away” Gnome Family. A family of collectable friends has joined our ever-popular cat shooing Gnome. These Gnomes have special eyes that deter cats from fouling your garden in a perfectly harmless way. They are an attractive addition to any patio or lawn and a pleasant alternative to throwing a bucket of water!

The accompanying picture shows a group of gnomes in various costumes looking like “Snow White Meets the Village People”.

Cats up and down Britain must be shitting themselves.