There’s a theme emerging from the appraisals. Moomin does not want to be here and neither does Barney, but indifferent ways. It’s a combination of “seeing out my life” and “seeking to better my life”. I suppose I should be emboldened by the ambition that is apparent on my team.
Instead, I feel self-pity because I think of all the times that I have shared their ambition. It is coming up to my birthday and the twelfth anniversary of working at the Call Centre and I still can’t shake off the disappointment with my life.
Nevertheless, I have spent some time preparing for my pay appraisal with Bernard. Normally I’d wing it but this time I want to be ready with a quick remark or examples to support my claim for more pay.
Last time it was disastrous, I can still hear his voice; Earnest, precise and cutting: “You may think that you are better than this. You may think that “there must be more to life than this”. If I thought that you had the drive and ability, I would say that you are wasted in the Call Centre. But, you haven’t, so get over it. You’ve got a job. Life ain’t that bad.”
I have a file full of memos, reports and papers that I have been involved with over the past 6 months.
I intend to prove that I deserve some reward for biting my lip and “playing the game” over the past 6 months. There may well be more to life than this, but for now, it’s the best I’ve got and I've the paperwork to prove it.