27 Feb 2004


I'm Wrapstar, Team Manager in the Call Centre, and this is going to be the longest day of my life...


Check the register. Spend 20 minutes trying to find the pen with a really fine point so all the marks are the same.

I discover some mint imperials in my drawer that I'd forgotten about. There's some important documents in there too that I thought I'd sorted out ages ago. I place them, mints and all, in my in-tray, and pledge to work on them later.


I have the first cup of coffee of the day. I ponder at the machine speculating about Ian's theory: the higher the number, the more disgusting the drink; ox-tail soup is 100 and water is 1.


Open in-box. Delete all messages from Nigel about Call Performance - if its bad I'll hear about it soon enough - if it's good, it will make no difference.


First call from Call Centre Tony mithering me about lunch, under the pretext of it being good time-management: "Book it in or book it out, son."


Another coffee. I can now tackle the issues of the day.


Call Centre Tony comes to my desk: "Are you ready for a nose-bag?"


In the Canteen Confessional with Tony for 10 minutes longer than I intended. He is like a snooze-button on my alarm clock: "Just another 5 minutes, then we'll go back."


Arrange my desk to do some call reviews. I'm way behind my target. I get my head-set out of its velvet-lined box, position my pen with the really fine tip and suck on a slightly fluffy mint as I switch on the system, ready to listen.


Fag Ash Lil visits. She has a carrier bag filled with patches and gum that she has bought off her friend Kathy, who has given up giving up smoking. Lil isn't quitting; she wants the stash to supplement her habit. She reckons that she can have a 24 hour intake using the patches and gum.


Shuffle through some paper work.

Barney, the Big Gay Bear, starts a 'between call debate' about Carry On films. The team are surprised when I cite 'Carry On Abroad' as my favourite.


Call from Sooty - why has my Wrap Time increased in the last hour? I make up something about 'complex queries'. I bring the 'Carry On' debate to a close.


Another coffee. It starts to taste like hot dog sausage brine.


Toilet break. I smuggle in a copy of PRIVATE EYE.


I decide to actually DO a call review.


The Call Monitoring system is broken. I decide to look up funny names in the customer database instead. I found Ned Flanders the other day.


Start to wind down by having a hot chocolate 'for a change' (number 15). Meet Ian at the machine and he bores me by talking about football formations.


Put the important document back in my drawer with a sticky note on it saying 'Important'.



Best thing is ... they pay me for this.