I'm Wrapstar, Team Manager in the Call Centre, and this is going to be the longest day of my life...
Check the register. Spend 20 minutes trying to find the pen with a really fine point so all the marks are the same.
I discover some mint imperials in my drawer that I'd forgotten about. There's some important documents in there too that I thought I'd sorted out ages ago. I place them, mints and all, in my in-tray, and pledge to work on them later.
I have the first cup of coffee of the day. I ponder at the machine speculating about Ian's theory: the higher the number, the more disgusting the drink; ox-tail soup is 100 and water is 1.
Open in-box. Delete all messages from Nigel about Call Performance - if its bad I'll hear about it soon enough - if it's good, it will make no difference.
First call from Call Centre Tony mithering me about lunch, under the pretext of it being good time-management: "Book it in or book it out, son."
Another coffee. I can now tackle the issues of the day.
Call Centre Tony comes to my desk: "Are you ready for a nose-bag?"
In the Canteen Confessional with Tony for 10 minutes longer than I intended. He is like a snooze-button on my alarm clock: "Just another 5 minutes, then we'll go back."
Arrange my desk to do some call reviews. I'm way behind my target. I get my head-set out of its velvet-lined box, position my pen with the really fine tip and suck on a slightly fluffy mint as I switch on the system, ready to listen.
Fag Ash Lil visits. She has a carrier bag filled with patches and gum that she has bought off her friend Kathy, who has given up giving up smoking. Lil isn't quitting; she wants the stash to supplement her habit. She reckons that she can have a 24 hour intake using the patches and gum.
Shuffle through some paper work.
Barney, the Big Gay Bear, starts a 'between call debate' about Carry On films. The team are surprised when I cite 'Carry On Abroad' as my favourite.
Call from Sooty - why has my Wrap Time increased in the last hour? I make up something about 'complex queries'. I bring the 'Carry On' debate to a close.
Another coffee. It starts to taste like hot dog sausage brine.
Toilet break. I smuggle in a copy of PRIVATE EYE.
I decide to actually DO a call review.
The Call Monitoring system is broken. I decide to look up funny names in the customer database instead. I found Ned Flanders the other day.
Start to wind down by having a hot chocolate 'for a change' (number 15). Meet Ian at the machine and he bores me by talking about football formations.
Put the important document back in my drawer with a sticky note on it saying 'Important'.
Best thing is ... they pay me for this.