The Dodgy Dossier

Bernard, the Head of the Call Centre, has finally got round to reading the damning report on my team’s compliance with Mary’s un-written standards.

I was called into his office to discuss the findings, prepared to answer searching questions and challenging requests for action. When I got there he was trimming his nostril with what looked like a stainless steel vibrator.

“I’ll come back if you like.” I said.

“No. No. Come in. I got it for Christmas from the catalogue. I thought I’d treat myself.” He said. “I’ll trim my ears too so I can hear what you have to say about this lot eeerrrmmm!”

His tone was jokey so I relaxed until I saw the scrawl he had made on the report. The familiar scribbles and squiggled question marks were all over his copy.

“Now.” He slumped into his chair and hooked himself round the desk in that strange way he adopts prior to delivering a management tutorial. He started crowing away like a cross between Charlie the cat and the teacher in Charlie Brown. I switched off.

“Failure is not a person. It’s an event … move on … draw a line in the sand … etc. etc.”

I blame the BBC.

Bernard’s Bullshit Commentary.