28 Apr 2004

Eeeny Meany Miney Mo

“Studies have shown that Assessment Centres are 4% better than using a pin to select your management team.” Bernard addressed the assessors in today’s debrief. “The state we are in, I need that margin.”

Janice, Ian, Tony and I looked at each other, not sure whether or not we were being insulted.

Bernard went on to explain the ‘role plays’ he had devised and what we should look for from each candidate.

It doesn’t require a great deal of skill to be a Team Manager. All you need is common sense and a sense of fair play.

Assessment Centres were devised by an HR guru who enjoyed pulling the legs off flies when he was a kid. It’s a cruel process. The combination of role-plays and personality tests favours actors, mountebanks, charlatans, bull-shitters and pathological liars.

The last qualities that an Assessment Centre is able to assess are common sense and the candidates’ humanity.

Those that have mastered the art of the Assessment Centre have mastered the art of life itself.