19 Apr 2004

Naff Off you Nerk

Sweet Wrapper Watch: Day 15

“There’s no way that I’m moving that sweet wrapper.” Tizzy has been making a point of mentioning the sweet wrapper, left by the evening team, every morning. “I have enough cleaning to do at home without having to come here and do it!”

Apparently, there are 75,544 people in jail in Britain, with only 75,437 places available in the prisons, and I have realised what's happening – the rest are over-flowing into Call Centres up and down the country.

The rapid expansion of our Call Centre over the past year means that the standards have dropped to cope with the recruitment crisis. The interview has been reduced to get the numbers up, as follows:

“Can you speak?”


“You’ll do.”

Consider my team, for example:

Simon, the Craig David looky-likey - we are doing the British public a service by keeping him off the streets (when he’s in), otherwise he’d be blowing money on spoilers for his stolen Subarru; John Doe would spend the day watching Trisha and blowing a bong; Barney, the Big Gay Bear, would spend the day blowing what ever Barney likes to blow.

A headset with a three foot curly bit may be the best form of electronic tagging ever devised.