20 Apr 2004

Matching Tie and Handkerchief

The stars are in tune with Uranus. Capricorn is rising. It can only mean one thing; the secret rulers of the Call Centre, AKA the Sales Stream, AKA The Deadly Viper Assassination Squad, AKA a Complete Waste of Time, are meeting.

It has been a while since I have been called to one of their meetings. Since the expansion, they have all been too busy “Walking the Talk” as Mary (the compliance officer) explained: “I’ve not seen my arse for my elbows for the last 6 months.”

Ian was in an upbeat mood when he called the meeting to order. He was wearing a Foghorn Leghorn Tie and it seemed to swing from side to side as he spoke. He was blabbering on about the success to the start of 2004 and the recruitment crisis. He had the answer: ‘Cultural Solutions’.

“It’s a big ask. I know it’s a big ask. But, we need to double our recruitment efforts to manage our daytime ‘stroke’ evening spikes.” He fixed everyone with a stare.

“Unemployment is at an all time low in this area.” Wendy, the HR consultant, chipped in with her usual ‘spanner in the works’ statement.

“Yep.Yep.Yep. But I think the answer is in the togs. If we introduce a uniform, it is a cost effective way of ‘instant’ culture.” Ian smiled.

Instant culture. Michelangelo was wasting his time painting. He should have been running up a polo shirt for The Pope.